It’s time for holiday celebrations in workplaces across America — which means there’ll be some fool out there with his or her butt on top of the copying machine, cranking out crude portraits.

But for the rest of us, there are rules and protocals to follow that will greatly reduce the time we spend later on apologizing to co-workers.

Five points of guidance:

1. It’s not really a party. Leave the lampshade at home. Remember, it’s still a work function — and you could be judged accordingly.
2. Moderation in all things. Just because there’s free food (and drink), that doesn’t mean you need to camp in front of the food table until you waddle away. It’s OK to eat a fair portion. One idea: Eat before the event, which’ll help curb your appetite.
3. Keep office talk generic. Of course, conversations will include office topics. After all, that’s what everyone has in common. But keep your opinions to yourself, and stick with safe topics and non-confrontational observations.
4. Your own song and dance. It’ll help you a great deal if you come prepared with an “elevator talk” — what you would say to someone if you were sharing 15 seconds with them in an elevator. Touch on what you do, why you like it — and maybe even toss the boss a compliment.
5. Stay sober! Even if the booze is flowing freely and some other chump is already acting like an idiot, keep your own consumption in check. Liquor loosens inhibitions and tongues — neither situation is good form for work functions.

Finally, you might get a break this year.

With the economy in the toilet, many businesses are skipping the traditional holiday gathering. That’s the best prevention for party tomfoolery. Pack up your lampshade and take it elsewhere.

Tags: holiday, office, work