With all the economic pressure and depressing employment news, it’s a good time to re-trench with a renewed, self-protecting strategy.

No, it’s not the “make-the-other-guy-look-bad-so-I-look-good” approach.

Did you ever see those gag glasses you can wear, with the open eyeballs painted on the outside?

This advice is more along those lines, courtesy of the folks at Investile Dysfunction:

• Make sure your desk has that well-used look — by someone who’s too busy to waste time wiping it clean every day.
• Find out what time the boss gets in — and get there first. By the same token, stay until after the boss leaves (at least 5 minutes, in case there are any double-backs.)
• Learn the language and when to lob these terms into conversation: leverage, synergy, on the same page, customer value propositions, customer-centric, value-added, best positioned, weathering the downturn.
• Send e-mails late at night. Either do it from home, or, if you can, program your Outlook to send messages at specific times. They’ll ask, “Wow — were you working at 2 a.m.?” You can answer, “Well, what do you think?”
• When the boss stops at your desk to ask a question, tell him or her you need to make a quick follow-up call on something, but you’ll be there in a couple of minutes.
• Plan meetings. Send out heavy agendas. Sent out re-caps and summaries. Plan more meetings.
• Do a little networking of your own in-house. Try to pick up a nugget or two of information you can “casually mention” in your next conversation with the boss — making you look incredibly informed.
•  Always have several applications and worksheets open on your desktop, so you can flit from one to another. Meanwhile, put blocks up on your own instant chat accounts, so no one else can see who you’re talking to.

If all else fails, shake your head, look disgusted, and mutter menacingly about “those clowns in Sales.”

At least people will leave you alone.

Tags: e-mails, procurement, purchasing, sales